Saturday, 11 June 2011

Should I Or Shouldn't I?

With the lumpectomy out of the way, the results, positive and the doctors satisfied that no further operations were necessary the chemotherapy conversations began.

On a thursday evening, the husband and I visited a naturopath. You know what her first opinion was, no chemo. This threw me into absolute inner turmoil. There was no doubt that I wanted what was best for me and my family. And, of course, I would have been more than happy to forego the chemo. Let's face it, not going through chemo, for at least the short term, would be best. But what was going to be best for the long term? If only I could see into the future. I was certainly happy to take the natural remedies to lower my oestregen levels, the cause of the cancerous growth, but to gamble my life with the replacement-chemo-natural-therapy-regime was just too much. I guess, the fact that I would even use the word "gamble" provides a pretty clear insight as to what I was leaning towards.

The husband and I kept our struggle to ourselves. There are two camps of thought around this topic and there lies between them a great divide. People are either loyal to one or the other. I spoke with a lady who had rejected chemo in the midst of stage four cancer. She survived. I listened to the story of another lady who went natural after her cancer returned. She survived. I even recalled a lady, a little closer than the previous two, who passed away after her decision to reject chemo. Then there were the stories of women who accepted chemo and survived. As always, the internet provided a wealth of information, too much really, on women who had gone natural and those that had done the chemo. I just wanted to do a search and have the answer there for me, (read slowly by the man who presented, "Unsolved Mysteries) "Alicia you must choose..." There was no such search. I received no such answer.

My gut feeling, all along however, was to follow the advice of those in the medical profession. So, that was my decision. If the cancer returned after having gone natural I know I would have regretted my decision. But if the cancer was to return after having undergone chemotherapy, in my mind, I would feel as though I had done my best. In that instance, maybe I would try a natural therapy... I guess, that was how I navigated my way through the decision. I was satisfied with that.

On my second visit with the naturopath I purchased the goods that would best help my body though the onslaught of drugs. With drugs tucked under my arm, a great husband at my side and a supportive team that none could beat, I was now ready for the chemo.

Was I scared? You can't imagine! But, I was only scared for moments. Tiny moments. Maybe I was still in denial. Maybe it's my coping mechanism. Either way, I had very little time to ponder Tuesday 31 May.

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