Sunday, 17 July 2011

Another Two Days

Today, I was the pathetic, irresponsible, drug-addicted mother. Too unwell to move. My head was banging. All I wanted was ice. Yep, a glass of ice cubes, please. I have always had sensitive teeth (although not so now that I am on a sugar free diet) so my desire for ice is really quite strange. For whatever reason, I did feel better sucking on cubes of ice. I kept my scarf over my eyes, that was my way of limiting any incoming messages through the senses. I felt overloaded. Yesterday, I thought I had felt miserable...this morning topped it! I wanted to cry, when I admitted that I just didn't have the ability to get up to feed the children.

Anyway, by the time 9am ticked along, I was able to get up to make myself breakfast. I wasn't hungry, but I knew that food in my belly would keep away the nausea. I got up, ate and then returned to bed.

The last two days have definitely been the toughest. The accumulative effect of chemo reared its bald and nasty head. At this point in time, I can say that my side effects have included: feeling miserable, headaches, aches and pains in my arms, slight nausea, loss of appetite, loss of taste buds, a funny taste in my mouth, menopausal moments, sore stomach, diarrhoea, irritable moods and of course, fatigue.

And, with great applause I welcome a new side effect. I have noticed some ever so slight changes in my finger nails. Throughout the treatment, so far, my nails have remained really strong. I hadn't noticed any weakening in my nails and my nails were not brittle as I was told they may become. What I have felt now though is that my nails are lifting from the nail bed. Rather than hugging my fingertips my nails are curling up and away. And, my nails just feel funny. Time will tell where that will go. Since I only have one more chemo I can hold onto the fact that I may be finishing the treatment before the nails decide to leave Fingertip Town.

By the afternoon, I was able to lay on my belly with my arms under the pillow. What a treat. Only hours before, my arms would have been too sore for that. What a simple pleasure.

Another two days are history. I wish I could say that I greeted them with excitement and anticipation of good things. The truth is, I didn't. I really just wanted them over. I should work on that, hey? Each day is a gift...blah, blah. I'll work on that.

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