Before the chemo started a few people decided that I was up for a roller coaster ride. To be honest, I thought I was better than that. (Yes, another lesson learnt!). I really liked the idea of, thinking of me as, not being someone who was one minute flying high in the sky and then in the next minute hanging about with the pigs in the mud. I am level headed; and that's how I was going to approach the fight against this disease. At least, that was the plan. Plan smashed!
I know that the posts from last week were pretty down. I don't even want to read over them now that I am coming back into full health. I probably sound like a moaning fool. I will admit it now. Chemo has been a roller coaster ride. And, particularly last week, I have had to take each day as it comes. In fact, there were some days were I had to take each hour as it came. The husband was checking me every time I would try and plan the next day. You must know by now that I like routine. I like to know what's happening next. So, each evening I would always plan the next day. As part of our bedtime routine, child number one and I would discus the next day's plans. A couple of times, I tried to do this when the husband would remind me not to do it. Why? Quite simply, it's more upsetting when I can't do the things that I had planned. Last week, there were no plans. And, it meant there was little room for disappoint in that regard. This week however, I am planning to my heart's content. While, I'll still avoid inhaling the exhaled breath of the crowds, I do plan to leave these four walls for some fun with the children. As of today I have officially left the pigs, in the mud, and now I am flying high!
While the health and energy is there I have decided that I am going to exercise every day until the next chemo. I began my exercise regime today with a tabata. I went for sit-ups, push-ups, squats and lunges. It has been a couple of weeks since I had done any mentionable exercise so I was pretty disappointed at my (lack of) achievement. It doesn't matter though. I have a week. And, in that time I really want to get as fit as is realistically possible in the time frame that I have. Don't worry, I won't push myself ridiculously! I totally get what the chemo does to my body and will rest if I need it. But, I suppose it's my way of fighting the cancer.
In a previous post I mentioned having an itchy head/hair (I'm not sure which it is sometimes). Well, that has continued. I imagine that until every last strand of hair has left its follicle that that will continue. The trouble is that wearing wigs and scarves is a pain now because it pushes my short hair in odd directions so that by the time our visitors have left or I am in my bedroom, I am dying to rid myself of the headpiece. While none of my friends or family mind my patchy, bald head, it's more of a me thing. It's not that I want to cry because I'm upset about being ugly, it's just that I want to be normal. It's weird. I can't really explain it. I need to wear something on my head. Maybe I need to think about this issue a bit more to explain it. Maybe someone else, who has lost their hair, can explain it...I need more time. Two facts remain: I have to wear something on my head because it's important to me; and wearing something on my head increases the itch. Oh well. If my head gear doesn't move it's not too bad. It's just so hard to keep my head still!
Speaking about my head... Remember the splotch. Well the colour has changed. While it was once red, the skin has now turned dark. It's sort of like the colour of a bruise. I'm not sure why the skin is reacting this way, and why it had to happen on my face. If it were on my belly, legs or arms no one would need to know about it. I actually tried to cover it with make-up today, and that did nothing. I will mention it to the oncologists at my next visit. I've got a feeling though that it is just something I will have to wear during the treatment.