Monday, 11 July 2011

Stop. Chemo Time.

I'm not nervous. I don't know whether it's getting normal to be doing chemo, or that I've kept myself busy or because I am on a healthy high. Does the reason really matter. Nah (is that how you spell that common phrase?).

As I'm sure I've made clear, I am feeling great. I think that this week has been my best during the chemo process. The exercise, I'm sure, will have played a big part in that. My blood is moving so fast it's going to swish this chemo around, spit it out and power through my body to get back to the spot I'm in now. Yeah! I am woman hear way, I won't finish that one. Mega corny.

Preparation for chemo means lots of water. And, I have been chugging it big time! I am willing my veins not not wiggle tomorrow afternoon. Wouldn't it be great if the cannula is in first try. Definitely. Last cycle, the first (failed) try was so sore!

I have also completed a big cook up. This means I have meals frozen ready for eating when we need it in the next week. I have cleaned the house so it's ready too. There are prunes in the cupboard, a gluten free treat in my bag, the rectinol and movicol are waiting patiently in the cupboard (who invited them?), salt to gargle at the ready, naturopath meds pushed to the back (for a week) and natural organic yoghurt (I tell the children that it's adult yogurt so they wont eat it. Oh, and, I know it's not paleo but I justify it because I need the acidophilus) and liver is cooked and another is in the freezer. The babysitter, the driver and buddy, the husband's days off, friends, family are all in position. Thank you. Tuesday is just such a big day. But, after this one...ONE MORE!

It really has gone quite quickly. Was I having fun? Well, I must have been because that's what they say.

My hands are just so dry. I am finding it very hard to keep the moisturising cream up. But, my nails haven't shown any damage. One of the side effects of tamoxifen is that it can make your nails fall off. Or, at the least, the nails can get very brittle. It's a bonus that I've skipped that one. Just before I began treatment I was asked whether I wanted to participate in a cold glove experiment. In the past, wearing a cold glove has been known to lessen the chance of nail damage. There are quite a few reasons why I opted out of it. One of them is pretty stupid.

I can knit rectangles. Top skill, I know. Well, anyway, this has enabled me to knit scarves for the children. So, since I would have to sit for hours, I thought that I could knit some scarves (I'm probably more likely to complete one over the whole treatment because I'm not that fast). At least I wouldn't be wasting time sitting there. To be honest, that was the main reason that turned me off doing the cold glove trial, initially. I figured that if I had a glove on I wasn't going to be able to knit. As I sat, in the breast clinic, (the lady had left me with the paper to sign to agree to participate), I had made up my mind. I wasn't going to do it. But, how would I tell the lovely, kind lady, who was just keen to help out the breast cancer patients? It just sounded so pathetic that I wanted to knit rather than help others. Totally selfish. Mmmm...see all the things you find out about yourself. The funny thing is though, that it didn't take me long to realise that I just wouldn't be able to do it anyway. Not mentally, at least. Once the cannula was put in, on that dreaded first chemo appointment, the nurse said that I needed to keep the arm still to prevent it from wiggling around (do you remember?). Well, there was no way the knitting needles were coming out. And, well, before the cannula was in I had the melt down (do you remember that too?). In the end, the glove just seemed like another mountain that I would have to climb. It was. I was done. The glove did not fit, in a way. So, as it turns out, if my nails continue to hold up, I wouldn't have been a good candidate anyway for the cold (it's actually freezing, frozen) glove test.

Is it weird to say that I am keen to sit down for a couple of hours and do nothing? Well, it's out there. I am looking forward to it. I am also looking forward to meeting with my breast cancer buddies. How have they been? Any strange side effects? Have they had an easy ride or a challenging one? Do they have a red splotch that turned grey on their cheek bone? Probably not. That side effect is just for me. Oh well.

Actually, I know. I am looking forward to having another chemo down. Woohoo!!

Good night.

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