Reviews

I spent too many hours sitting today. My total contact time would have been lucky to have been more than 20 minutes! It was my end-of-treatment reviews. And, it felt strange to be back in amongst the breast clinic patients.

The husband and the two children came along. So, as I stood in line, waiting to speak with the ever so helpful receptionist, I saw a familiar face. It was wonderful to catch up with one of the TBCs. (And, a little while later, I caught up with another). It felt strange (not that I'm complaining) to not be nervous. I was just going to be chatting with the doctors and there was no bad news. Right? Of course, there is no way I am anticipating any bad news!

I sat. I squirmed. I talked. One complaint though; the hospital has been pretty close to perfect. Child number two decided to complicate things with an ill timed nappy fill. I picked up the tiny, smelly child and headed for the toilets. I was happy-as when I discovered the absense of a nappy-change table. The second toilets were lacking too! I returned to the waiting room to collect the pram. (We brought the pram along reluctantly, but now I was so thankful that we did.) I wheeled the pram into the disabled toilets and proceded to do the nappy change; all the while anticipating my name being called. My name wasn't called. It was eventually though.

The physio was the first to call me in. She is the best! I really do feel as though I am the only person she sees. Anyway, my measures are the same. For this summer, at least, I am to wear the glove and the sleeve during exercise. Hey, that's not too bad. Totally manageable. Actually, she went on to say that very new research is showing (although not conclusive) that individuals who are fit and healthy before breast cancer treatment and who return to that straight after treatment are less likely to develop lymphedema. That's some motivation, right there, to keep up the good nutrition and exercise.

Next, I was called in to see the radiation doctor. I remembered this one..he liked to refer to the operation site as "boob". It is just so awkward. Is it unprofessional? I don't know. Either way, I felt pretty uncomfortable. That was doubled when he asked me to take my top off. In the past, the curtain was drawn and I would undress before the doctor would inspect. Now...he wanted me to undress right there and then. Look, I know he's not weird. It's just that there is so much fuss about a women's dignity etc that it was quite...I know I'm using this word an awful lot...uncomfortable. Lovely doctor of course. And, very kind. He explained everything in a way that made sense. Just...well, it's a very tiny complaint.

I was back in the waiting room. And, no, I didn't sit in the same seat. There were many ladies, sitting with their support person, and they were moving in and out of appointments, changing seats as much as I was.

I met with the chemo doctor after a while. I had nothing to report on the tamoxifen's side effects. My neutrophil levels were at 1.9 (should be at 2). And, I was yet to hear of my vitamin D levels. Essentially, all was well. I could have told her that. I feel well. I questioned whether I was to have a gene test. To which she replied that it was likely that I would in the new year. Within minutes, I was walking out of that appointment.

Another wait and then I met with the last doctor for the day. A member from the surgical team called me in. She didn't look at my scars (Mr "Boob" did that already) and she just asked a handful of questions. That was it. If it wasn't so-not-the-right-thing-to-do I would have run out of there. I was glad that it was finished. Such relief.

I felt sorry for the people who would be staying the night. But, I sure was happy to be going home.

Rads: End of Week 3

Rads are going by very quickly. I can't believe that I am now halfway!

The third week is meant to be when the skin starts to turn red. For me, this has not happened. While I have felt that the area under my arm is sensitive, it's not red. Funnily enough, I have noticed a dark square around my right breast. The square's corners actually each meet at a tattoo. It's a credit to the accuracy of the machine. I am going to make the assumption that the later I begin to turn red, the less likely I am going to experience a severe burn.

I wasn't nervous this last week, at all. I have not been questioning whether I am doing the right thing. I'm not even scared about the machine malfunctioning, and burning a hole through my chest. What does worry me though, is my body odour.

When I receive the radiation, I hold onto bars above my head. This means that my undeodorised arm is exposed. While I can deodorise under one arm, I can't do the other. It's not good. Even a shower before treatment, is just not enough. It's a concern. When I took child number two to a trial Spanish lesson, I kept my arms at my side for fear of becoming the stinky parent. I'm not convinced that that tactic worked. Next time I go to that lesson, I am going to put on loads of perfume and hopefully I will be able to redeem myself.

This last week, I met with my physio. I was so excited when she measured my arm (at various points) to discover that all my figures had improved. This strange looking glove was doing its job. In fact, my hand (where the majority of the swelling was occurring) had reduced by one centimetre after wearing the glove for one week! The lovely physio is unable to explain why I am experiencing such swelling. She went onto explain that perhaps it is simply how my body has reacted to the surgery and chemo. Should I not have exercised, it is her assumption that, the swelling may have been worse. So, I have been wearing the glove happily, knowing that it certainly produces results. I am regularly able to see my bones and veins in my hand now. That pleases me. What a bizarre achievement...

As I enter the fourth week of treatment, I am beginning to think about my follow up appointment. This is booked for four weeks after radiation. It is when I meet with the surgeon for him to check for the presence of cancer. His response, I'm sure, will not be to provide me with a guarantee of being cancer-free. It is more likely to be about statistics. But, I think I am likely to get more nervous about that day, as it approaches.

My food choices are going very well. I am starting to feel as though I am getting on top of the fatigue. Maybe, I am getting used to living with the fatigue? Imagine being normal? I'm going to feel indestructible!

Anyway, I am feeling confident that this is going to be a good week.

Radiation Therapy 3 of 30

I really believed that today I would be able to talk food. I was even trying out titles in my head earlier this afternoon. As it turns out, I do have something to report on radiation, so the other stuff will wait another day.

Today began as normal as any other. I have to admit though, that I did think of the Tough Bald Chicks a lot; some were having chemo for the last time, yesterday. I was reminded of the pain in my arm on the trip home, I remembered the lovely staff in daycare and I also remembered the anguish of the husband as he braced for absent-me. So, while I was happy to be past that, I knew that there were others in that position. I wish them a speedy recovery and am very excited for them to have beaten chemo.

I felt pretty lazy today. I'd like to blame that on the weather; cold and windy.

Anyway, I had a late afternoon physio appointment prior to my rads. As I have come to expect of all the staff now, the physio was so kind. I discussed, with her, the concerns I had regarding my swollen arm. She measured strategic points of both of my arms and saw a significant difference. This difference warranted weekly appointments and a sleeve and a glove. It's "prophylactic" she told me. Even though I only had four lymph nodes removed, even though I had exercised and even though I had incurred no injury (even that as small as an insect bite) to my arm, the physio was concerned that my arm was moving towards symptoms of lymphedema. And, it is likely to get worse during radiation. I will certainly look the patient with this grande bandage-type accessory. Fortunately, perhaps, for me, there was a mix up and I will not receive my cool fashion item until Monday. So, I have a weekend of freedom before I don the all-day wear. Yes, it wasn't news that I wanted to hear. But, it's no big deal really.

After the physio, I went straight through to my rads. I didn't have to wait today. I was seen to straight away. I only got one stitch in. I was looking forward to doing a little knitting. Oh well, I have 27 more chances at that... When I get into the teens I think I'll be pretty excited. Come on thirty treatments, I want to celebrate the end of this chapter.

It's the third day of my Whole30. I was really hungry this afternoon; before my physio/rads appointment. So, I made an extra meal. But, I really haven't had any cravings yet for the off-limits foods. That's real good. Having meals that fill me up are the key, I reckon, to keeping to the regime. Anyway, this was my food journey (yum!):

Breakfast: Peach and Pecan Scramble

Lunch: Leftover rissoles, salad, eggs and mayo

Extra meal: Fried chicken and tomatoes

Snack: A few almonds

Dinner: Meatballs in bolognaise with broc

Snack: Coconut bark

I learnt two things today, at the hospital. A study is currently being conducted on the benefits of doing weighted exercise while undergoing treatment for breast cancer. The study is leaning towards the result that doing weighted exercise is not a bad thing. The second new piece of information, I gained today, was that patients who experience fatigue are actually encouraged to walk. These two things are now a justification for me to keep exercising. Yeah, yeah, I won't push it but...I will exercise (even if it's light) in order to fight off the fatigue (and because I want to *folds arms and stomps feet*).

P.S.

I forgot to mention, in Monday's post, a little moment in child one's Spanish class. At the beginning of the lesson, the teacher asked the children what they were doing after class. It was soon my child's turn to answer. Here is how it went:

Teacher: And what are you doing after class?

Child #1: Going to the hospital.

Teacher: Do you know someone who is sick?

Child #1: Yes. Mum. She is having radiation. She has had chemo.

I felt really sad at that. I don't know why though. I questioned the husband, perhaps he could explain why I just had such a pain in my heart. There is understanding there, we had wanted that. But, why did I feel upset about it? I don't know. Anyway, the hope is that in a year or two, child number one will simply remember spending lots of time with friends and family. And not, the occasional visit to the hospital and certainly not the week we got the diagnosis.

I'm Not Crying

I really had believed that my watering eye was done with. It's not! Now, I have two watery eyes. Neither is sore or itchy. Although, by the end of the day, they are usually puffy from being wiped at. Since Tuesday, I have found that the fatigue has not been as intense by the afternoon. That, my friends, is something to be so excited about!

Other great news includes: I have lifted my self-imposed ban on deodorant (feel free to stand on my right side now); the sparse hair on my head, that never fell out, is now lying down and not sticking up; the children and I did a one hour walk to the shops; and I made the best Paleo Fried Chicken ever (paleomama.wordpress.com).

I participated in one workout this week. It was a twelve minute AMRAP that included five ground to overheads, seven box jumps and nine air squats. My weight was the lightest in the group at 25kgs. I am very much looking forward to radiation being finished so that I can really focus on lifting more weight.

The right arm has been swollen for days. There is no pain and my arm is not heavy. It's just puffy. I am assuming that that will hang around for a good few months yet. My arm is actually still numb in places. I was told, after surgery, that that numbness may last up to twelve months. In some cases, the numbness stays. I have definitely noticed a dwindling in the numbness so, I am going for the box that says, "It will not last forever". Lock it in, please.

Ok, here's a confession. I have been looking at homemade laundry detergents. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I came across a site that said that one should not put anything on one's skin (it's an organ) that could not be eaten. I could understand where he was coming from. But, I really don't like the idea of putting something edible in the washing machine. How would it clean? So, my compromise is to make my own. I have a recipe, but have not been able to find one of the ingredients. I am going to hit a local hardware store. If I can get that ingredient, I will make the laundry detergent and report on its effectiveness. Oh, how cancer has changed me...

Breast cancer has really made me grasp just how fragile I am. I never wanted to be the damsel in distress. I certainly never wanted to be making my own laundry detergent. Well, perhaps I shouldn't get ahead of myself. I hope to get the missing ingredient today and then...wash the clothes tomorrow. Yes, I am a weirdo and proud to share how you too can become one. Why not join me?

Reality Hits Again

To say I was disappointed is an understatement. Minutes into the altered Painstorm 36 workout, I wanted to burst into tears. Not because it was hard (which it was) but because it hit me that I had cancer. It was as if I was being told for the first time.

Of course I feel tired and there are days where I am stuck in bed. On those days I understand that I am in a battle against cancer. But, when I feel good, almost normal, I discard the notion that I am sick. On my way out the door, this morning, I was healthy and energetic. Even as I watched the first group do the crossfit session I was convinced that it was a routine that I could handle. As a precaution, I discussed an alteration to the routine with our trainer, I wanted to be realistic. But even with the advantage of an adjusted workout, I was still so slow. I had to stop and take that many breaks. My spirit was definitely willing but my body was just so weak from the weeks of chemo. My counter, and friend, encouraged me along the way, waited patiently as I caught my breath so often and told me to stop when I made comments that put myself down. I didn't finish in the thirty minute timeframe. Such disappointment. The husband encouraged me with words that I needed to hear. It was ok. It was unreasonable to expect more. I had given it my best. And, under the circumstances, I should be thankful that I was even able to participate. So, I enter my healthy week looking forward to participating in some group crossfit sessions. I'll be less hard on myself.

The right arm is a little swollen. At first I had thought that it might be related to exercise. But, that doesn't seem to be something that brings on lymphedema. I will check with the oncologist about that. I don't have any pain so that's good.

Not for the first time, I have a dry nose. After each dose of chemo I get this strange side effect. Each time I just shrugged it off. But three in the row now, is too coincidental for it to just be nothing. It's not that I have no snot. My nose is actually dry. It's as if I have blown my nose, towel dried it, blow dried it with a hair dryer and flared my nostrils at on-coming cold wind. I imagine the skin in my nose is dry. Just like my hands and feet are. My feet are so dry, that one foot has a red and sore bit. I can't seem to rub on enough cream to keep them moisturised.

Where I do have discomfort though is in my toenails now. It's the same feeling that I am currently having in my fingernails. All twenty nails are there though. Another good thing to report.

I am standing at the top of the mountain today. I have a great week of healthy days ahead. Beyond that is my last chemo.