Crespo

This month I'm doing 30 days of strict paleo. I am surprised at how easy I have found it so far. This time last year, I remember us madly searching the internet for paleo treats. This time around, giving up the treats has been no big deal. What I have found difficult has been giving up the fruit.

A few days before the new year, I read how sugar (and we've all heard this before) feeds cancer. So, unless it's a treat or after a workout, I'm going to stay away from ye ol' fructose. I have also had a good few new recipes in the rotation that I wish to share. But, another time.

I am excited to report that my state of menopause was only temporary. I'm outta there. Strangely enough, I felt so good at this. I thought that I was ok about being in menopause, but like so many things along this journey, you never know how you are going to feel or react at different points. So, I'm happy at this news. It also marks another step away from cancer and its treatment.

That hair. The hair is growing back curly. Yep. I thought I would always like to have curly hair. But you guessed it, now that I have it, I'm not quite sure. I have a feeling that I may be parading a Marge-style do, because the curls are just pushing my hair up higher and higher. Oh well, better that than nothing...

As I type I stop to admire my nails. Now, I've never had particularly beautiful nails but I think because they have looked so atrocious these past few months that now that they have grown (pink and white now) and they have a little clear nail polish they look amazing. Well, to me anyway.

Next week my youngest begins childcare for the first time. And, my oldest starts prep. I am so excited for both. In fact, just this week, the husband and I off-loaded the last of our baby stuff. Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed absolutely every part of being the mother of babies but man, it's so exciting to be moving away from that too. I am very much looking forward to the new challenges that lie ahead.

I would like to take a vow that I won't complain about having to do the school run, that I will not regret signing the children up for Spanish lessons and I promise to commit to memory all of the information that the prep school provides. Actually...can I take any of that back?

Strange

I think I can report the strangest side effect so far. For the last couple of days, my two little toes have been really sore. It's like I have hit them on the corner of furniture. You know that feeling? But, the pain hasn't gone away. Now, both my little toes are swollen at the cuticle. They also look bruised in that area. It's very strange. I just heard today of someone who had cancer, a couple of years ago, who was taken aback by the bizarre, individualised side effects of chemo. My sore toes have not stopped me from having a great day though. I didn't even have a nap, this afternoon.

This round of chemo has not affected my sleep at all. In fact, I have been sleeping very well. When I fall asleep, I am totally out of it until the morning. It's great.

My arm is still a little swollen. Nothing like it was yesterday. Yesterday, my arm actually felt heavy. I have since heard reports of other breast cancer patients getting the extra fluid in their arm on and off. It's incredible that the removal of only five lymph nodes means that the usual process, which I absolutely took for granted, of clearing the fluid, is now jeopardised. Anyway, I did a workout this evening, and my arm has not shown signs of becoming more swollen. I think it is safe to assume that the exercise and then the swelling of my arm are not related.

I was pretty happy with my workout today. I feel as though I did my best. And, I feel even better about the fact that I am doing something to get stronger for Tuesday's chemo. The AMRAP workout only lasted 12 minutes and included box jumps, kettle swings and squats. It was fun. It was quick.

Now, if only chemo, radiation and hormone therapy could be over and done with!

Reality Hits Again

To say I was disappointed is an understatement. Minutes into the altered Painstorm 36 workout, I wanted to burst into tears. Not because it was hard (which it was) but because it hit me that I had cancer. It was as if I was being told for the first time.

Of course I feel tired and there are days where I am stuck in bed. On those days I understand that I am in a battle against cancer. But, when I feel good, almost normal, I discard the notion that I am sick. On my way out the door, this morning, I was healthy and energetic. Even as I watched the first group do the crossfit session I was convinced that it was a routine that I could handle. As a precaution, I discussed an alteration to the routine with our trainer, I wanted to be realistic. But even with the advantage of an adjusted workout, I was still so slow. I had to stop and take that many breaks. My spirit was definitely willing but my body was just so weak from the weeks of chemo. My counter, and friend, encouraged me along the way, waited patiently as I caught my breath so often and told me to stop when I made comments that put myself down. I didn't finish in the thirty minute timeframe. Such disappointment. The husband encouraged me with words that I needed to hear. It was ok. It was unreasonable to expect more. I had given it my best. And, under the circumstances, I should be thankful that I was even able to participate. So, I enter my healthy week looking forward to participating in some group crossfit sessions. I'll be less hard on myself.

The right arm is a little swollen. At first I had thought that it might be related to exercise. But, that doesn't seem to be something that brings on lymphedema. I will check with the oncologist about that. I don't have any pain so that's good.

Not for the first time, I have a dry nose. After each dose of chemo I get this strange side effect. Each time I just shrugged it off. But three in the row now, is too coincidental for it to just be nothing. It's not that I have no snot. My nose is actually dry. It's as if I have blown my nose, towel dried it, blow dried it with a hair dryer and flared my nostrils at on-coming cold wind. I imagine the skin in my nose is dry. Just like my hands and feet are. My feet are so dry, that one foot has a red and sore bit. I can't seem to rub on enough cream to keep them moisturised.

Where I do have discomfort though is in my toenails now. It's the same feeling that I am currently having in my fingernails. All twenty nails are there though. Another good thing to report.

I am standing at the top of the mountain today. I have a great week of healthy days ahead. Beyond that is my last chemo.