Check up

Yesterday, I had my three month check up. It included a mammogram and an ultrasound. The latter was going to be nothing, although I must admit that I knew that I was going to be more than a little uncomfortable for the former.

Well, there I was. I was instructed to put my chest and butt out, look straight ahead and remain still (there was no way I could move even if I wanted to). As the plastic "flattener" came down I braced myself. In that moment, I started laughing. Believe me, nothing was funny. It was the kind of crazy laughter that came out of me when I went on the Giant Drop at Dreamworld. Then, as quickly as the laughter came I wanted to cry. But, I didn't. By then the machine was moving up and away. I was squashed another three more times and then the mammogram session was over. Out of the four, there was only one that I found particularly sore. The others were just the expected discomfort from having your breast slammed between two plates.

The ultrasound was a breeze. And, no new lumps were found. I wasn't surprised. I wasn't expecting anything like that.

Oh, and I know that I said that I was avoiding fruit for the month of January but I did have a skewer or two from this fruit rainbow. It was so easy to make. And, the four year old was able to help which made the process even more fun.

Same Journey, Different Drug

Of course, I was nervous about going in for my new drug. It's not about the drug though. I was anxious about giving blood. The last time I received needles it brought on some unwanted (but needed) side effects. What's worse though, is that I know that my veins have hardened (I still have bruises too). What was this going to mean? Would the nurse need to try a few times to get the blood? Was it going to hurt?

Sore. No. Yep. I looked away. Standard procedure. And, I totally expected to have worked myself up for nothing. Today, it wasn't. (TBCs, skip to the next paragraph, you don't want to know this). That was the first removal of blood that hurt. I felt the needle go in, stay there and I even felt the steel (not sure what needles are made out of, but it felt like steel) slide out, just before the nurse pushed on the small ball of cotton. I flinched. I think I even made a I'm-in-pain sound. In fact, as the blood went into the tube, I heard a slurping noise. The nurse made some comment about it being like sand. I'm not sure what that meant. The point is though, the hardened veins made for a sore withdrawal of blood.

I went for a walk, to kill the 90 minutes before my next appointment. When it was time, I took a leisurely walk through the very busy hospital. I was well. I certainly didn't feel as though I needed to be there. (Self high-five!)

Unlike previous appointments, I wasn't greeted by my smiling breast cancer buddies. There was a new crowd. I really didn't belong here anymore. I recognised a lady that I had shared radiation appointments with and we chatted until she was called in. Who would have thought, a year ago, that I would find tamoxifen, changes in cancer drugs and hair growth such stimulating conversation?

I wasn't with the chemo doctor for long. Tamoxifen is my new drug of choice. It's a chemo drug. The worst it can do is increase the chance of deep vein thrombosis by 2%. Secondary to that, is that it can bring on menopause. Too late. I'm already in that state. Although, my hot flushes seem to be less these last few days. And, honestly, there is more to enjoy about being in this state than not (you know what I'm talking about ladies!). Having said that, as a young woman, it's pretty likely that I'll come out of the menopause cupboard, even while on tamoxifen.

I felt very happy as I left the hospital today. There just have been so many moments of celebration. And, strangely enough, it seemed like today was one of those moments. The radio was loud, my scarf was off and I was the happiest driver on the road.

When I got home, I was really tired. Sorry about that family. That high just couldn't hold out for that long. But, I had some paleo ice-cream waiting for me. That was a great surprise. For real! Yeah, I know what you're thinking. What cave family would have access to an ice cream maker? Well, it doesn't matter. It's more of a cheat for child one and two. But this afternoon, the husband and I had some too.

Strawberry Ice Cream:

Tomorrow, I'll start tamoxifen. I'll then have five weeks until I see the chemo doctor again, to report, hopefully nothing, about the drug's effect on me. I wish I knew right now, how my body was going to react. But, we all love a good surprise...don't we?

Radiation Therapy 22 of 30

I am so excited to only be having eight more radiation appointments!

Today, I met with the physio. The swelling in my hand is only minor now. For that reason, I don't need to wear the glove. However, I am planning to do some exercise this weekend (it's been a while) so it will be interesting to note whether the swelling returns. I also learned that chemo can stay in your system for 12 months! I thought that I was rid of chemo. But, it seems it's still around for a while longer. I suppose that explains why some people experience tiredness for 12 months after treatment.

I am feeling better everyday. My hair is growing! Surely, within a month I will be able to toss out the scarves and wigs. Actually, I'm getting used to being the bald ol' git. I don't like it. But, it's not so strange to see myself without hair.

I thought I was past chemo side effects but some are still hanging around. I had a heavy upper arm on the weekend. And that is likely to be from chemo. My nails are more white than they should be. The skin on my feet is peeling again. And, the skin under my nails is weird.

Radiation however, has not got a hold on me! While I haven't been interested in exercise (so maybe I am tired), I haven't felt fatigued. There is a dark square around my right breast. It's not red though! No burn. Woohoo!

With my energy returning, I have been back in the kitchen inventing some paleo recipes. I made this yummy orange cake. And, with oranges so cheap I've gone a little crazy with this one. It's gluten-free, dairy-free and sugar-free.

On the way to the hospital, this afternoon, I was thinking about how I'll feel once I have finished the radiation. Even now, when I type that, I get this feeling inside like I just want to burst. Burst with excitement. CAN'T WAIT!

Rads: End of Week 2

I had a needle in my head today. No jokes. For real.

Even when I had hair, I always used to lean into the mirror to check out a mole right on my hairline. Then, when my hair fell out, I got a clear view of the funny shaped mole. I also noticed lots of other moles on my shiny head. I decided that it was a great opportunity to have the moles checked. The doctor's appointment was booked. And, I also had a second question; a little something that came to my attention the evening before.

I was directed to the doctor's room, on the left at the end of the hall. There was no need to be nervous. They just check moles with a special magnifying glass. Right? Well, the mole on my hairline, of course, looked a little strange. So the doctor turned on his computer to have a closer look. It looked gross. I could clearly see the brown splash-of-a-mole and the hair surrounding it. A quick glance from the doctor was all the time he needed to decide upon giving me a biopsy. He was just going to scrape a little off. No. When he said the anaesthetic would sting a little my hands reached up to cover my face. I don't know why. It was just my reaction. My hands continued to hover around my face, as I imagined this doctor wielding a huge needle aimed at my head. I apologised for my fragile state and agreed to have it done there and then. But before we went to the room, where this procedure would be carried out, I needed to ask one question.

Last night, I accidentally found a lump in one of the veins of my left arm (the chemo arm). I had no idea what it was. For that reason, I wasn't worried about it. As it turned out, it is nothing to worry about. While it is a clot, it is in a surface vein and is likely to have been caused by the chemo drugs. It will not swim to my heart and cause my death. In fact, at some point, it will resolve itself. No more to be said. Now there was nothing holding me back from the biopsy. And, the needle.

I let my shoes slip to the floor as I nervously lowered myself on the operating table. The doctor busied himself around me for too long. I just wanted it to be over. Soon, he was there, leaning over my head. I felt the needle sting, maybe three times. Then it was over. Needles are rarely as bad as I imagine. I could feel him doing something to the mole. Putting in needles? Yeah, right. He had me totally fooled. He kept me in the dark. He had actually shaved the mole off! I couldn't believe it. I sat up to see my mole floating in a specimen jar! He gave me a ridiculous dressing for the surgery and then I was sitting up. I walked out of the room, that day, a little less than me. I have been assured that my hair follicles were not damaged (that hair will grow there), that the results will be in on Monday, and that all the other moles on my head are nothing to worry about. Good.

Radiation was pretty uneventful (just what I needed after my last visit there). I couldn't stop smiling though, when I was told that my machine is due for a service tomorrow. This means that I will not have radiation! Yeah. A friday all to myself.

Here's another day of Whole30:

Breakfast: Peach and pecan scramble

Lunch: Bolognaise with broccoli and avocado

Snack: Handful of almonds

Dinner: Bolognaise on broccoli

Snack: Banana pancakes

Good night!

Radiation Therapy 8 of 30

I didn't feel so tired today. The weather was good enough to be outdoors so, getting out in the sun certainly helped with the energy levels.

We have started our own veggie patch. It has capsicum, strawberries, tomatoes, lettuce, beetroot, limes and blueberries. We have been watering the seedlings and enthusiastically monitoring their growth. Today, we harvested our first leaves of lettuce. We ate them at lunch. It was so wonderful for child one to pick the leaves, wash and then eat them. Now, if the strawberry can ripen without being snatched by a nocturnal animal...

I had a good day today. And then, in the evening, I had two crazy incidents. One involves a lady in the waiting room and another has to do with the radiation machine. Both awkward moments.

But before I get onto those stories, I need to declare some of my fears. And, guess what, I only get these fears at night. It's when I am alone with my thoughts, when no one can see my fear and when my imagination has the most control. I have had these thoughts before but, it was only last night that I made a mental decision to record them. If you thought I was brave, you are sadly mistaken. It's not that I pretend that I am, it's just that, more often than not, the moments of fear are always when no one is around, at night. (I know I have watched too much Spongebob when a phrase that I write sounds like the little yellow guys voice, in my head, and not my own; "At night". Anyone seen that episode?)

Anyway, my fears. I really feel as though I am not myself. I am not calm, I seem to have less patience and obviously the energy is not at all what it was. This really frightens me. After radiation, I will commence a five year treatment of tamoxifen. I am concerned that I won't feel like me. What if I continue to be agitated, grumpy, impatient, depleted of energy. It really concerns me. Of course, it's better to experience that than for the cancer to spread and die. I totally get that. But...Well, let's just get it out there that I do worry unnecessarily. What's the point in worrying. I have to take it. And, when I do I will do my best to do my research to discover what I can do to make the ride smoother. Not sure if I've convinced myself...

The radiation ride has been pretty smooth. I spoke with the nurse, tonight, about getting red. She said that, in the third week I will notice redness. If I am lucky, that will be the extent of my burn. Then, the skin will settle and return to some-kind of normal four weeks after my final treatment. I was glad to have that conversation. I'll be on the lookout next week.

Moments later, an older woman entered the waiting area. She told me her cancer story. Lucky for her, she was actually in for her last radiation and so, her cancer treatment was over. I felt so excited for her. When I came out of the radiation room (there's something to tell about that in a moment) I wanted to wish her well. I walked up to her, just a tiny detour on my way out. I wished her all the best and then there was that awkward moment. I wanted to just hold her hand but then the next thing I kissed her on the cheek. Ahhhh! What? How did that happen? It was so awkward. She leant towards me. I looked around. I went to hold her hand. She turned to the side. It was just majorly bizarre. Anyway, the husband (mine that is) made a comment because it must have looked even more awkward than it felt. For both parties? I'm not sure. But certainly for me. I felt so embarrassed. And then, as I walked out of the hospital, down to the car park, I couldn't stop thinking about the situation. How stupid. Why am I labouring over this? For goodness sakes, I kissed a woman who just went through a very scary breast cancer journey. Does it matter if we had an awkward kiss. It wasn't on the lips... I kissed a lady who had finished her cancer journey. That could never be an awkward thing. Right?

Well, the other incident occurred during the burn. To do the radiation thing the machine shoots from two angles. So, it starts on my right side. Then, the machine moves around me to position itself to burn me from the left side. Well, tonight, the machine stopped half way through! I was so scared. My heart was racing. My breath picked up pace. I wanted to scream. But who would hear me? Then the machine moved. But not completely to the other side. Should the machine mulfunciton and burn me right at that moment it would go straight through my heart. Nooooo! I waved at the camera, for a millisecond, just when the machine moved again. I kept still and allowed the machine to do its work. When the ladies returned (there are always two radiation therapists in the room), I felt so stupid. I went on to explain my fear. Guess what? She said that she saw my legs flinch and my tiny wave. I felt so exposed. Anyway, little did I know that there was another silly encounter just metres away on my way out.

The joys of being human, Oh, and here was my menu:

Breakfast: 2 fried eggs with salad

Lunch: Red curry beef mince balls with salad and a muffin

Dinner: Red curry mince balls with veggies

Snack: Muffin

All in all, a good day. I hate to get repetitive. I promise not to sign off everyday like this; but, another one down.

Radiation Therapy 6 of 30

Today, I had an appointment with the doctor and the physio, before rads. And, because of those first two appointments, I had to go in during the day. To make things more interesting, I had child one and child two with me. Don't worry. I was totally prepared with colouring-in books and plenty of food. Of course, I didn't leave home without giving them a talking to about their behaviour.

I should have known that the day would not go as smoothly as I so desperately wanted. We began with seeing the doctor. I was so excited (sarcasm) when the doctor said that, I needed to have an ultrasound to check for a clot in my right arm. This was the result of my appointment with the physio. Great. I made my way to that department with the referral in my hand. It was a semi-urgent matter, the doctor said, so I was going to be seen to straight away. I looked down at both of my children, knowing that their jar of good behaviour was full; knowing however that it can all be poured out too early. I needed their cooperation. Was I asking too much? I feared that perhaps I was. My shoulders slumped when I was told that I would have to wait a half an hour for the ultrasound. For an adult, that is no big deal. An adult with two children...that was a different matter. I fought off the stress that I could feel was moving up into my neck. I decided that we would go outside and have a play on the grass.

What a wonderful idea that was. The three of us had a ball. It ended too quickly. Next thing, the we were back in the waiting room. We waited. And waited. And waited. A half an hour later (just breathe), I was called in (breathe) for the ultrasound. Child number one looked after child number two, as I endured the cold jelly on my neck and all the way down my arm. Fortunately, the ultrasound revealed what was expected. No clot. Good. I returned to the doctor.

I met with the doctor. Then, I met with the physio. I collected my glove but, not the sleeve. Apparently, my arm is too small for the sleeve to be effective. I left with the glove and a sheet explaining how it was to be cleaned. I was then off to have my rads.

A nurse (how wonderful is this?) sat with child one and two when it was my turn to go in. Nothing new happened in the dimly lit room with soft music playing. The radiographers measured, burned and then escorted me out of the room. Done. Another one down.

Tomorrow, my appointment is at a more suitable time and so, the children will not accompany me. At least now they know where I'm going each day...And, they weren't such bad company :)

As for the food, this is what I did on day 8 of my Whole30:

Breakfast: Peach and pecan scramble

Lunch: Tuna and egg salad

Dinner: Mint Pesto Chicken Stir-fry (Doesn't look great but it is so yummy!)

Snack: Date cookies

I'm so tired after this big day! It will be an early one for me.

Why?

I just realised that it has been a couple of days since my eyes were watering. It's safe now, I'm sure, to say that the drip has definitely been switched off. And then, just when I thought there wasn't going to be any more new side effects, along came this strange one.

If I had experienced this before, I know that I wouldn't blame it on chemo. Especially, when it's just so...weird. Could chemo do this? There are no photos for this one because it involves feet. Who wants to see a picture of someone's foot? Ok, please don't answer that. I was removing nail polish when the scale of destruction was revealed. Actually, I had noticed that my feet, in particular, the skin on my toes was peeling away. But, it's way more than it should. I seem to be shedding the skin from my toes. The process is well and truly on the way. Enough on feet. Speaking about strange though...

I thought it might be worth sharing how our family came to adopt such a restricted diet - paleo. Months on, we are now finding this new way of approaching food is actually developing creativity. And, it doesn't seem so restrictive anymore.

There are actually a number of factors that led to this dramatic change in diet. Child number two, according to our plans, was the last one. So, I always had in my mind that I would really focus on getting fit and losing some kilos after the birth (mums, you can relate to the enormity of that task). Then, to our horror child number two was diagnosed with pulmonary stenosis (a blockage in the pulmonary valve). It was a very scary time for us; we had to decide whether we would go ahead with open-heart surgery or cardiac catheterisation. We decided on the latter option and within weeks our two-month old was home and recovering well. But, what concerned us was the fact child number two would need antibiotics if they ever required dental work. Can you believe that something as simple as dental work could actually give a "cardiac-kid" heart disease? This made us so conscious of giving out sugary treats; which were pretty common in our diet. How do you tell a child that they can't have sugar? Is it possible? We started eating a few vegetarian meals a week, did some exercise and cut down on the "bad" foods. We weren't satisfied with our progress. It was then that we came across this particular diet. We did enough research to arrive at the decision that this was for us. The bonus was, of course, that this way of eating has been linked to preventing cancer.

I got on the bandwagon too late it seemed. The doctor told me that my cancer would have been growing from August 2010. By the time I got the diagnosis though, our family was fit and healthy. We had coupled the paleo diet with exercise and were so surprised at how good we felt. There's a lot of cooking now but, it makes sense to cut out all of the stuff in food that actually isn't food. I am totally motivated too though, because I want my body to be able to fight off any abnormal cells next time they start multiplying.

Whole30, Day 7:

Breakfast: Hot Nutty Cereal

Snack: Nuts

Lunch: Chilli and garlic prawns on spinach leaves

Dinner: Beef chilli on lettuce with guacamole

Snack: Pancakes with berries

I have allowed the doctors to treat me with their medicines. In fact, after radiation I will begin a five year hormone treatment. Watching what I eat and electing to cut down on the use of chemicals, where possible, is how I wish to continue the fight. Before my diagnosis, it had always bugged me that so many people were getting cancer. Could it be what we eat? Could it be the chemicals? I have no idea. But, I'm enjoying my food journey and I'm finding it interesting to discover how many people are opting for the organic/natural/chemical free way of life.

Rads: End of Week 1

I have finished one week of rads. It has gone so quick. Another five weeks to go. I definitely feel as though that is not a big ask. There is no evidence on my right side, as yet, that I am undergoing rad treatment. I have explained to my children that they need to be gentle with me, in anticipation of some discomfort in the coming weeks. So far, I'm good.

I woke up feeling tired, even though I had eight hours sleep. It doesn't seem as though that is going to be enough. The other thing though, is that I have not done any exercise this week. I know that that is not good. I friend, not knowing that I was keen as to do something active, volunteered to come around to do a workout and lunch with me. How cool is that? We did a great workout. Then, we ate lunch together. As I knew I would, I felt much better. Still tired of course. But, the fatigue didn't get worse as the afternoon went on.

The fatigue is not the same as that of the chemo. The chemo fatigue was heavy, coupled with not feeling well. It was like my whole body, from top to bottom, was tired. The fatigue I am experiencing now is the same that I would have if I had had a really interrupted night's sleep. I'm not sure if that correctly delineates the two. It'll do for now.

Rad appointments can be given anytime between 7am through to 9pm. Patients are given the opportunity to request a three-hour, preferred window. The most convenient time for us, which is also the least busy (I'm told) is the evening. So, tonight's appointment was late. We had a great run to the hospital, were seen to straight away and then a another great run home. No traffic, no waiting (no knitting). I must be in the DNA-damaging room for a total of five minutes. That's it. The long ride there and back is crazy considering it's for such a short appointment.

I have finished day five of my 30-day challenge. I feel as though I am doing well. Child number two has had a cold and even though I picked up a mild sore throat, I have been eating well enough for my body to fight off any further progression of the bug. Pow! Here is what today looked like:

Breakfast: Omelette with avocado and tomato as a side

Lunch: Roast Chicken, sweet potato fries and roast tomato on salad

Dinner: Kangaroo steak and rissoles on salad with mayo (so hungry I forgot to take a picture!)

Notes on this week: I am very much surprised at how fast this rad week has gone; as yet, the rad appointments are not annoying; I'm experiencing some fatigue but nothing too severe; I have managed to stay clear of any "naughty" cravings - I've fought them off with satiating protein meals.

Time to watch the next instalment of my favourite show. Adios!

Radiation Therapy 4 of 30

No sooner had I began using deodorant, in both arms, I have been told to stop. During the rads the only permitted product, to be used on the burn zone, is aqueous cream. So, it's back to one arm deodorising.

I think the fatigue has hit already. I had initially put it down to the weather but, today was another slow day. I did all the things I wanted to it's just that my energy was not where it should be. I feel a little silly admitting this. Maybe I'm tired because I was told that rads bring on fatigue. My understanding was that the fatigue comes close to the end; that it's cumulative. I don't know. Either way, I had a nap this afternoon. Tonight will not be a late one. I need to stay on top of it. Well, that's what the husband tells me.

The loss of energy is totally disempowering! I really liked (more like loved) being independent. I would never have wanted to be in a position where I would be so needy for help. For now, the days of doing everything on my own, because I am (or so I reckoned) superwoman, are gone. Will they come back? I'm sure they will, but I won't be as forceful about preserving my independence. It's actually not a bad thing; accepting other people's help. And, it doesn't reflect badly on me. I know that now. Is it fair to say that my so-called "independence" may have actually been hiding a truck load of pride? I won't be offended if the answer is yes.

Anyway, when I dropped my appointment book in at the rads desk, this evening, I was greeted by name. How good is that? I had knit three stitches when I was called in for the daily blast. It's funny...Obviously, I have to get undressed, top half only. And, when I walk to the machine (like five steps) I use a pillowcase to cover myself. As soon as I lie down the pillowcase is moved to cover my left breast. So much covering and uncovering goes on it's ridiculous. But, so considerate too. Isn't it about making it as easy on the patient as possible? Making them as comfortable as possible? I really do not believe that the staff at the hospital, when I consider all departments that I have ever had anything to do with there, could be any better. Our government really needs to be more generous with our nurses and doctors. They deserve it!

Day four of rads also marks day four of Whole30. Here's what came out of my kitchen:

Breakfast: Caesar salad

Lunch: Last night's leftovers and a muffin

Snack: Sweet potato pancakes on lettuce

Dinner: Tuna (with olive oil, no sugar) on spinach leaves, and a muffin.

Thursday night is typically our BBQ night. And, we have also made it our roo night. Roo, as in kangaroo. Yep, we eat kangaroo once a week. We try our best to track down grassfed meat. It's not easy. So, we figure that if we can guarantee a couple of meals a week that are grassfed (roo), we are better for it. Roo tomorrow.

I'm off to bed. I need eight hours sleep.

Radiation Therapy 3 of 30

I really believed that today I would be able to talk food. I was even trying out titles in my head earlier this afternoon. As it turns out, I do have something to report on radiation, so the other stuff will wait another day.

Today began as normal as any other. I have to admit though, that I did think of the Tough Bald Chicks a lot; some were having chemo for the last time, yesterday. I was reminded of the pain in my arm on the trip home, I remembered the lovely staff in daycare and I also remembered the anguish of the husband as he braced for absent-me. So, while I was happy to be past that, I knew that there were others in that position. I wish them a speedy recovery and am very excited for them to have beaten chemo.

I felt pretty lazy today. I'd like to blame that on the weather; cold and windy.

Anyway, I had a late afternoon physio appointment prior to my rads. As I have come to expect of all the staff now, the physio was so kind. I discussed, with her, the concerns I had regarding my swollen arm. She measured strategic points of both of my arms and saw a significant difference. This difference warranted weekly appointments and a sleeve and a glove. It's "prophylactic" she told me. Even though I only had four lymph nodes removed, even though I had exercised and even though I had incurred no injury (even that as small as an insect bite) to my arm, the physio was concerned that my arm was moving towards symptoms of lymphedema. And, it is likely to get worse during radiation. I will certainly look the patient with this grande bandage-type accessory. Fortunately, perhaps, for me, there was a mix up and I will not receive my cool fashion item until Monday. So, I have a weekend of freedom before I don the all-day wear. Yes, it wasn't news that I wanted to hear. But, it's no big deal really.

After the physio, I went straight through to my rads. I didn't have to wait today. I was seen to straight away. I only got one stitch in. I was looking forward to doing a little knitting. Oh well, I have 27 more chances at that... When I get into the teens I think I'll be pretty excited. Come on thirty treatments, I want to celebrate the end of this chapter.

It's the third day of my Whole30. I was really hungry this afternoon; before my physio/rads appointment. So, I made an extra meal. But, I really haven't had any cravings yet for the off-limits foods. That's real good. Having meals that fill me up are the key, I reckon, to keeping to the regime. Anyway, this was my food journey (yum!):

Breakfast: Peach and Pecan Scramble

Lunch: Leftover rissoles, salad, eggs and mayo

Extra meal: Fried chicken and tomatoes

Snack: A few almonds

Dinner: Meatballs in bolognaise with broc

Snack: Coconut bark

I learnt two things today, at the hospital. A study is currently being conducted on the benefits of doing weighted exercise while undergoing treatment for breast cancer. The study is leaning towards the result that doing weighted exercise is not a bad thing. The second new piece of information, I gained today, was that patients who experience fatigue are actually encouraged to walk. These two things are now a justification for me to keep exercising. Yeah, yeah, I won't push it but...I will exercise (even if it's light) in order to fight off the fatigue (and because I want to *folds arms and stomps feet*).

P.S.

I forgot to mention, in Monday's post, a little moment in child one's Spanish class. At the beginning of the lesson, the teacher asked the children what they were doing after class. It was soon my child's turn to answer. Here is how it went:

Teacher: And what are you doing after class?

Child #1: Going to the hospital.

Teacher: Do you know someone who is sick?

Child #1: Yes. Mum. She is having radiation. She has had chemo.

I felt really sad at that. I don't know why though. I questioned the husband, perhaps he could explain why I just had such a pain in my heart. There is understanding there, we had wanted that. But, why did I feel upset about it? I don't know. Anyway, the hope is that in a year or two, child number one will simply remember spending lots of time with friends and family. And not, the occasional visit to the hospital and certainly not the week we got the diagnosis.

Radiation Therapy 2 of 30

There is so much that I didn't get out last time I checked in. Things like, the waiting room, the staff, the tingling and some stupid thoughts of mine.

So, when a patient enters the Radiation Department they are required to hand over their appointment book to the staff and walk around to the waiting room. This wing of the hospital is all new. It's flash as. In the waiting room, patients may sit and stare at each other, chat with their BYO support person, read magazines (supplied), wash their hands with disinfectant as often as they like or knit (knitting needles and wool supplied).

My time in the waiting room allowed me to see other cancer patients undergoing treatment. This is always a great way to get some perspective on my own "troubles". There sat a man whose lips were blistered. The skin around his lips, and particularly on one side of his face, was red raw. There is no way that man is able to talk, eat, swallow, or even smile without some severe pain. I can definitely be grateful that treatment, for me, will not be debilitating. Tonight, I knit as I waited to be called in for my rads. The nurse informed me that once sufficient knitting had occurred that she sews all the pieces together. The final product is then donated to St Vincent de Paul. I felt happy to be contributing to the knitting box.

The department is so well run. Everything seems to have been considered. Tonight, the husband was able to come into the room where the rads are delivered. The radiographer explained how the laser worked and was prepared to answer any questions we threw at her. What a fortunate little Aussie I am to be receiving such top treatment!

Yesterday, when I returned home from my first treatment, I was sure that I could feel a tingling sensation in my right breast. I am told that it is not until week two of treatment that the effects are seen and felt. Is it all in my head? Am I an attention seeker? Who knows. Actually, the doctor probably could answer those questions. But, there is no way I am willing to ask. If it is in my head, I will feel pretty silly. The doctor will think I am an attention seeker. Don't want that.

As I held onto the bars (hands above head) and the laser positioned itself, for the first time, I was having reservations about doing this to my body. Would you like your breast tissue burnt? Yes, please. What was I thinking? Shall we strap you down? No thanks, I'll willingly sit still for it to happen. Is this the right thing to do? Anyway, the fact remains that as I received my treatment (although not so much today) I was wondering whether I really wanted to be burnt. Too late. I've received it. It is burning the cancer. Move on. But...

I have now completed Day 2 of my Whole30. So, the rules are, for thirty-days, no sugar, gluten, legumes, dairy or grains. This basically means nothing processed. We've been doing this as a family for eight months. We are loving the results and intend to maintain this way of eating for the rest of our lives. Here's what the family (including two children) ate today:

Breakfast: Pancakes

Snack: Coconut Bark

Lunch: Omelette

Dinner: Rissoles and veggies

I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I don't mind having to drive to the hospital. It's too early to be complaining about the half hour trip. And, since the rads aren't going to be too different, (I don't think), from day to day, I might actually get to share about other stuff: the novel I am in the process of writing, being a paleo family, how I ate away cancer and raising children. See ya!