Treating cancer after treatment

Ok, so I lied. I am still somewhat under treatment. I am now six months into my five-year hormone treatment of tamoxifen. Thankfully, I have experienced only one side effect. It's a little embarrassing... My side burns are growing a little more hair than they should. It's not enough to warrant a shave or hair removal cream, but it's there. Oh well. No big deal, really. It's a good thing though because it's a sign, for me at least, that my oestrogen, which was feeding the cancer, is lower.

The tamoxifen is the official treatment. I thought I'd share though the other changes that I have made since going paleo and then going cancer-fighting-mode once discovering I had breast cancer.

This time last year, I was fighting the urge to check that my tumour hadn't gotten any bigger, I was looking into the mirror at the tumourous lump wishing that April 29 (lumpectomy date) would come quicker. I was also eating meat cooked rare, raw, organic vegetables and a diet that was high in fat and low in carbs. My very diligent husband was reading up on as much as he could about ways various individuals fought cancer naturally. Most of these people were in a position where they were not able to access medical treatment. And so, they were forced to do something on their own. For many, many people, cancer disappeared. It didn't come back either. I wasn't confident enough with all of that so I did what they did plus what the doctors recommended. Do I have regrets?

Well, I absolutely believe that I made the best decision with the information that I had at the time. I have a strong feeling though that years down the track I may have wished that I had not allowed the...mmm I have forgotten the two drugs... cyclophosphamide and taxotere into my system. I have freaked myself out a little with my googling of chemotherapy side effects; all of which I was aware of, but now they seem more real. Particularly when, I forget words, can't remember conversations that I have had, stop mid sentence because I have no idea what I was talking about, make commitments and forget about them and then just general vagueness. So, I get that this happens to the best of us. I get that this did happen to me before. But, it's a little too often. And the fact that other cancer survivors tell me that this is what they are experiencing led me to think about including foods that will help. Yep, food can help.

For the past few weeks we have deviated a little...gasp...from our paleo extremism. Our family indulged in a gluten-free pizza (it was funny to see child number two eat this because eating a triangle was a new experiene), chocolates over easter and an ice-cream or two. We even ate a gluten-free naan! Each treat tasted beautiful. But within minutes of them hitting our belly we knew it wasn't worth it. It was during such crazy behaviour that I broke a tooth! I couldn't believe it. But there it is. Another chemo side effect. Chemotherapy weakens your teeth. I don't have the best of teeth anyway, so to know that my teeth are weaker is not good.

I want to be healthy and strong. I want to be able to stop cancer with me. I want to reverse the side effects of chemotherapy. I want to turn my world upside down because ultimately, I don't know what it was in my body that allowed the growth to occur in the first place. So, what follows are some of the ways that I believe I can fight any future cancerours events. I am certainly not stopping here. But, I am making the changes slowly.

Well, you are already aware of my food lifestyle. Aside from booked in events I am gluten, sugar, legume, dairy and grain free. I prepare all of my food from scratch and spend hardly any money at the local supermarket. Rather, I make regular trips to my local butcher and organic farmer.

I have decided to slip in and out of a ketogenic diet. This is not how I eat all of the time. Every now and then I decide to do it for a few weeks. It's simply eating very low carbs. It puts your body in a ketogenic state and it has been proven to be a way in which to fight cancer. The state is not good to be in over long periods of time. For this reason, I dabble in this treatment.

I have elimiated chemicals in my laundry and now use a homemade laundry powder. It doesn't make the whites whiter or the colours brighter. It does clean them though. The pay off is that I am not wearing clothing that has chemicals sitting in the fibres. Am I a little paranoid?

This has been a tough one. Because a change in deodorant, or going without actually effects others. I was using a homemade "deodorant" but found that it wasn't cutting it. I am now going with the Moo Goo brand. It's alright. I also don't mind the edible (for real!) dedorants. They tend to need to be applied again in the day. But, again, using these products means that I am not dosing my skin with chemicals.

Our carpet was cleaned with natural products. This was a complete accident. It just happened to be the choice of the local business that we happened to employ for the job over the last two years. They did a great job with our carpets and I would definietly recommend looking for a company that will clean your carpets with completely natural products.

Another simple change has been in our soap. Honestly, in the past, I have always simply opted for the cheap stuff. Now, I'm looking for the natural soaps. They do smell really nice too.

Ok, so I might cop a bit of flack for this one. But, I'm sticking to it. Unless, I'm going to be in the sun for an extended amount of time (the whole day) I am not wearing sunscreen! The first reason is the amount of chemicals: that's a big turn off. But the other thing that I will miss out on is the vitamin D. Every day, I look to spend, at least, a half an hour in the sun without protection. Chemotherapy lowers vitamin D levels, I need it for my bones and let's face it we all feel so much better after being outdoors.

I am finding this one difficult but I do aim to have eight hours sleep each night. This is a way in which I can limit stress; who needs any more of that?

We all know that exercise is good for us. It's great for fighting cancer too. I avoid regimes that place too much stress on the body and opt for short workouts, nothing longer than 20 minutes and certainly only one session a day. I'd like to be doing this six days a week but as I still fight some of the fatigue (yep) I sometimes do less than I would like.

But that's a key too isn't it? Being sensitive to your own body; knowing when to rest, when to say no to a workout and just having a nap. When I can, I take a nap. And, I never feel guilty or lazy about it.

As a mother of a 2 and 4 year old there are plenty of opportunies for play. This is another way that I can be treating cancer. It relieves stress, it's fun and certainly builds loving bonds.

Finally, and perhaps my lastest addition to my treating cancer after treatment is fasting. There is some serious evidence that fasting is fantastic in keeping away cancer. A few weeks ago, I was skipping breakfast. I have now progressed to skipping two meals a day. So, I know what you're thinking. I have some serious food issues. Not true. Let me finish. If I fast I have to be eating well. In fact, if my insulin levels are doing well I will actually find that I am not craving food. And this has certainly been the case. I have been quite surprised at how I have been able to skip two meals. I assure you that I am not doing this to lose weight. It is purely medicinal. The fasting state is good for your body. Currently, I fast two meals, twice a week. I would love to be able to swap one for a 24 hour fast, but my head just isn't there yet.

Today's post, was accidentally a little longer than I had planned. And, as I read over it perhaps a little disjointed. I hope that I have included all of the ways that I am fighting cancer from returning. There is no doubt room for more ways in which I can fight cancer on a daily basis. And, a year from now, I bet I'll have quite a few more items to add to my list. I don't want a reoccurrence of 2011 and I don't want my children to face cancer. We're going to do everything different. At the age of 30 my body was prime for cancer. Now, as I approach 32 (cringe), there is no room for the c-word.

Take that, cancer!

The Chemo Lounge: Round 4 of 4

I struggled to fall asleep last night. And then, when I awoke at 5.30am to take my meds (steroid tablets) I couldn't get back to sleep. I put it down to being just plain excited about my last chemo. As it turned out, my chemo buddies who had also taken their meds, had difficulty sleeping. The restless night is actually a result of the pre-chemo medication. Anyway, it sounds far better to say that I was excited. I do have to say that I felt like a child who was going to Dreamworld, or something. I was so excited. Have I already said that? When I rolled over in bed, trying to fall asleep, I was smiling. Truly.

Today, I carpooled with my breast cancer buddy. We shared our ups and downs of chemo; we didn't dare mention the word, "cannula".

It seems that my cannula will only ever go in on the third go. So, in a way, I was prepared for it to take that many tries. Although, I did wish that I would get it on the first. Yesterday, I had noticed that some of my veins had darkened in colour. This, the nurses told me, is a result of the toxic drugs that I have allowed to be fed through my veins. The damage meant that only certain veins were able to take the cannula. While the second nurse was able to get the cannula in the vein, the vein was just not holding up. Due to the nature of the drugs, the nurses have to be sure that the cannula is at no risk of coming out or leaking. So, the third nurse had a go. This made five attempts. My arm was so sore. Yes, I know I am a big baby, but it really did hurt! My hopes of chemo being all over today, August 2, quickly came crashing to the ground. I only had one arm (can't use the right arm, breast cancer side, because of the removal of lymph nodes) and all the veins had been used. Fortunately, the oncologist consultant gave the approval for the cannula to be inserted above my elbow (on the inside). But would it go in? Yes. It was in. Success. If I cried it would have been out of relief. I didn't though.

The veins were given a rinse, anti-nausea and vomiting meds, taxotere, another rinse, (nearly there!) cyclophosphamide and then the final rinse. It was over!

My arm is sore, as it always is after chemo. But, I have reached the end. When I was first told of my chemo regime, I couldn't even think further than the day I was on. Now, it's over. It has gone fast. Although, I have to admit, it wasn't the horror movie that I imagined it would be on the onset. The oncologist was right. Chemo has changed a great deal; even just in five years there have been many improvements. There are very beautiful (inside and out) people who have cancer. And, I am so glad I met them. I look forward to continuing to share this journey with them. And then, life after. The tough chicks. Is that our official name yet?

The plan now is to drink loads of water to flush this poison out, start the mouth rinses, rest lots and take the side effects with a smile because I will look at them briefly before they leave my life forever. I picture myself as Adam Sandler this week.

Do you remember Sandler's movie, "Happy Gilmore"? There is a scene where he stands in front of an automated baseball machine. With his chest out he faces the balls. They hit his chest with great force. That's me. I'm looking at the side effects in the eye. They can come at me, they can do what they like, but I'll take it. I'm a tough chick.

Peace out!

The Wind Is In My Hair

I am very excited about my last chemo now! There are only three more sleeps until Tuesday. I have been in good health (with fatigue not bothering me too much), in the past two weeks. My hope is that my body will be strong enough to take the last taxotere and cyclophosphamide combo, with little hinderance to my days and nights. The last two days have been great and a testament to one's greater need for good relationships than the need for food for comfort (although a thick based, cheesy, oily pizza would satisfy albeit for a mere 10 minutes or so).

My paleo diet has been compromised somewhat during chemo. While there was no way I was going to do gluten, on the days where I struggled to taste anything, I did indulge on gluten free biscuits and some dark chocolate (it was only 70% not the 80% that I should have had). That's all though! Once I feel as though I am through the worst of the chemo side effects, I want to do the Whole30. All this will mean is that I will be absolutely strict in my paleo diet. This will give me a chance to detox. The husband has just finished his Whole30 so I am so keen to do mine. Of course, once the thirty days are up we will continue to eat paleo, but it will mean that we can add 80% dark chocolate and sausages/bacon (as a treat). This will be a serious anti-cancer lifestyle change. I'm so looking forward to it.

Speaking of eating... I have had some serious cravings for salty food, So, I have been adding a little salt to my cooking (even though we really have cut that out) and I just couldn't resist some sliced apple with salt sprinkled on top. Another strange side effect, and I assume it is from the chemo, is that I have a watering left eye. For around a week now, I have had to carry a tissue ready to dab at my eye. My eye is not sore, red or swollen. It is just tearing all the time. I promise I'm not crying!

Friday I shared the morning with a beautiful friend. Then, in the evening the husband and I finished a mocumentary series (loved it!) and then watched an episode of our latest television series. That night, I had a most interrupted sleep. The night sweats disturbed my sleep. My beanie and blankets were going on and off.

On Saturday morning, I awoke pumped for a group crossfit session. I participated in a thirty-minute AMRAP that consisted of 5 dead lifts (very light weights for me), 13 pushups and 9 box jumps. I was happy with my effort and felt strong. My arm did swell a little during the workout. So, even though my initial thought was that the swelling was not related to exercise, I have a feeling that it is. Anyway, the exercise is good, and I had taken it easy. I think I will just need to be in tune with my body to know when it's too much. I don't think yesterday was too much.

In the afternoon, I sat in a massage chair and enjoyed a spa pedicure. I haven't had my nails painted for a few months. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I stopped using anything that would present itself as a toxin to my body. Nail polish was one of them. I won't be wearing it as much as I had in the past. It will be a special occasion thing now. Yeah, I know. I am so turning into a weirdo. It was very relaxing to sit and enjoy the company of a good friend. My two little toes were not too sore. That was good. I was worried that they may give me trouble. They are not as sensitive as they were. It's just so bizarre to have sore toes... I will definitely check with the oncologist about that.

The other point I wanted to raise with the oncologist was how I go about finding out whether cancer is in my genes. In a previous consultation, a doctor recommended that I speak with a genealogist to have tests conducted. While I would be most upset to discover that this gene could be hiding in one of my children, I do believe that it would be better to know now than later.

I am very much approaching this last chemo with high expectations. Although, let's face it, if I do happen to experience some severe side effects this time round, do you think I will really care?

Happy Hormones

When I told the husband that I had more energy today and that I wasn't as cranky he replied, "Yeah, you were a bit scary yesterday". For real. The husband and the children didn't seem that scared of me. But, when I am in the middle of a tired rampage because, well, because I can, to be honest, I didn't really take much notice of their reactions. Oh, to be calm again. That would be bliss; for all of us.

The day just seemed to begin quite upbeat. I busied myself with housework and kept child one and two occupied too. Then, when the afternoon hit, I was surprised that I had enough energy to do some exercise. I wasn't really expecting that. So, I finally did the 21-15-9 that I had wanted to do. I did squats and push-ups with a weighted vest. I topped it off with a skip. It's not much, and it took me longer than I would have liked. But, I worked up a sweat and my heartbeat increased. I felt great afterwards.

My fingernails are still sensitive, my scar is irritating, I still have a patchy face and the fatigue is loitering. Honestly, such minor issues.

Actually, I do have to add that I have not begun using either of the creams that I purchased yesterday. I really should use the one for my wrist. There's no reason for putting that one off. But, I have reservations about the cream for my face. First of all, the pharmacist couldn't read the oncologist's handwriting. Then she thought it was odd for the doctor to recommend using that cream for what she could see on my face. If it was on any other part of my body I know I wouldn't have thought twice. But, it's on my face. Scarves don't cover that up. What if the cream reacts badly to my skin? What if it makes the marks worse? What if the cream is the wrong one? What if the cream is actually acid and eats away at my cheek bone and I forever have a hole in my face... Ok, I will admit, I worry about stupid stuff. Sure, pump taxotere and cyclophosphamide into my veins for a couple of hours, but there is no way I'm putting that over-the-counter cream on my face. Pathetic! Right, now that it's out there, I feel stupid. I am going to have a shower, open the bag (truly, I haven't even opened the bag since bringing the creams home yesterday) and put on both creams.

If I never blog again, you will know it was the cream...

The Chemo Lounge: Round 1 of 4

I waited anxiously in the breast clinic that was full of women much older than me. There was a young woman, surely in her early twenties, who waited with her mother. Again, I was reminded of how fortunate I was to be having this now, rather then earlier.

Before any action was taken towards getting the cancer out, I was offered to be able to have some eggs frozen. For us, the answer was an easy, no thanks. We were very content with our two children. We got what we wanted. And, we are so appreciative for that!

Once my blood results were received I met with the doctor. It was all systems go! I returned to the waiting room to be called into, "Day Care".

My empty chair sat quietly. Actually, that chair has been waiting for me for a very long time. I never knew it was though. How strange. Both good and bad things await our arrival. That chair. It would hold me for a few hours. I snuggled in and immediately a steady flow of tears came. This was it. I have cancer! The nurse assigned to me was so sweet. She reassured me and got ready to insert the cannula. She wasn't so lucky the first time though and neither was I.

Up and until this point I had had a number of dizzy spells. But, what seemed to be something so silly became very real for me at that moment. Perhaps, lying dormant all these years was, Alicia with anxiety issues. I felt faint. My hands tensed up and so did my toes. I couldn't move! I was literally frozen. When I saw my hands and toes I could feel myself sinking further inwards. Pins and needles ran through my chest and belly constricting me. I tried desperately to hold onto the reassurances of those beside me but it was no use. A friend, siting opposite me, had a nurse pass her iPod to me, it was playing relaxation music. Meanwhile, I nurse rushed for a portable DVD player. Eventually my body began to undo its tangled mess. My episode passed.

I've thought a great deal about that moment. I would never have though that I would suffer from an anxiety attack. I really can't explain it. Had I not dealt with the diagnosis appropriately? Could it be that I have faked a confidence and masked anxiety all of these years? Was it just a one-off flip-out? I don't know. Of course, that wasn't the end of this chemo virgin's drama.

Once my veins were flushed with saline water the chemo drug, taxotere was sent in. Within five minutes, I began to experience a hot flush and a shortness of breath. Don't worry, it's just a reaction to the drugs. The taxotere was swapped for saline and then I was given taxotere at a lesser dose. After fifteen minutes, it was decided that I could be given the dose as required. An hour later, taxotere was replaced with cyclophosphamide. That was my unique combination of drugs.

The rest of the sitting went smoothly. I watched other patients (including one man) receiving their chemo and was amazed to see so many smiling faces. A box of chocolates were passed around and a real sense of camaraderie enclosed us all.

I made a friend (she was the one who leant me her iPod) at a Chemo Awareness Session, held at the hospital. As it turns out, we will share our chemo time together. And what's more she lives in my suburb! Are you totally getting the feeling, just like me, that the right people are just turning up at the right time? We have been keeping in touch, sharing our progress and encouraging each other. It has been great!

The husband and I walked out of the hospital excited that one session was done and dusted. We were keen to see our children, hungry and nervous to know what lay ahead in the 48 hours proceeding treatment.