Radiation Therapy 22 of 30

I am so excited to only be having eight more radiation appointments!

Today, I met with the physio. The swelling in my hand is only minor now. For that reason, I don't need to wear the glove. However, I am planning to do some exercise this weekend (it's been a while) so it will be interesting to note whether the swelling returns. I also learned that chemo can stay in your system for 12 months! I thought that I was rid of chemo. But, it seems it's still around for a while longer. I suppose that explains why some people experience tiredness for 12 months after treatment.

I am feeling better everyday. My hair is growing! Surely, within a month I will be able to toss out the scarves and wigs. Actually, I'm getting used to being the bald ol' git. I don't like it. But, it's not so strange to see myself without hair.

I thought I was past chemo side effects but some are still hanging around. I had a heavy upper arm on the weekend. And that is likely to be from chemo. My nails are more white than they should be. The skin on my feet is peeling again. And, the skin under my nails is weird.

Radiation however, has not got a hold on me! While I haven't been interested in exercise (so maybe I am tired), I haven't felt fatigued. There is a dark square around my right breast. It's not red though! No burn. Woohoo!

With my energy returning, I have been back in the kitchen inventing some paleo recipes. I made this yummy orange cake. And, with oranges so cheap I've gone a little crazy with this one. It's gluten-free, dairy-free and sugar-free.

On the way to the hospital, this afternoon, I was thinking about how I'll feel once I have finished the radiation. Even now, when I type that, I get this feeling inside like I just want to burst. Burst with excitement. CAN'T WAIT!

End of Week 4

I had such a good laugh yesterday. It was one of those laughs where you really need three mouths because you can't get it out of the one. I was telling the husband about how earlier in the day, I was pulled over by the police for a random breath test. Even before he greeted me he had a real good look inside my car. At the time, I thought it was very thorough of him to do that. And then, as I told the story, it struck me, I must have looked so suspicious with my wig. He must have assumed that I had robbed a bank and was still wearing my disguise! Well, it was so funny at the time. One of my wigs is actually losing hair! I hope it holds out until I can go without it.

Overall, I have had a great week. Some days I feel so tired that I desperately need an afternoon nap. Other days, I am able to power through. I try to do as much as I can in the morning because it really isn't until the children have their nap that I am able to gage whether I will need to join them.

We love loud music. We make a list of our favourite songs and then dance. It's so much fun. It wasn't long ago, when the very thought of standing up and moving would make me feel dizzy and reaching for the nearest "bed". Now, it's something I can totally bring back.

My nails have actually continued to lift from the nail bed. I don't think the nails will fall off completely; it's just not a good look. That with the Michael Jackson glove...

At my physio appointment, this week, my measurements were taken again. This week, my hand and arm showed no sign of further swelling. So, until I see the physio, I only have to wear the glove for half the day. I actually feel pretty confident that I could go without the glove and not have swelling.

My burn sessions have been going very well. For the most part, I am seen to straight away. On other occasions, I actually haven't worried about the wait because it's a chance for me to chat (no kissing) with other cancer patients or their support person. It's so interesting to hear other people's stories. Again, the whole idea of what seems to be a great deal of the population getting cancer, seems to baffle others too. One lady shared how three people in her immediate family were all diagnosed with lung cancer. And, there didn't seem to be any particular connection. It certainly is strange that so many are suffering in the hands of this disease.

I didn't have rads today. I don't know why, but I was given the day off. As if I was complaining...

Radiation Therapy 15 of 30

Pins and needles, the dark square, normal hands, no more peeling and drying my hair. But where to start first, the fatigue.

It was only yesterday that I remarked here, and to the husband, that I think I am not so tired. I spoke too soon. After a morning out, I was absolutely exhausted. I invited child number one to share the bed with me and we slept all afternoon. Child number two is far too exciteable so didn't get an invitation. I slept soundly. I slept well. And, when I awoke I felt alert enough to handle the rest of the afternoon and evening.

So, for quite a while now, I get pins and needles in my fourth and fifth digits of my right hand. It's not because they are getting squashed as I sleep. In fact, I have noticed the oddness of this sensation because they were not in a position where the blood circulation was cut off. I spoke to the doctor about it and she suggested three reasons: 1) swelling is pushing on a nerve 2) chemo has affected a nerve or 3) I received nerve damage during the surgery. It's not that I'm worried. We just get told all the time that we must report anything. The pins and needles go away just like any other, with a bit of movement. At this stage, I am just to monitor it to see if it worsens. I'm thinking it's something to do with the chemo. I don't think I had it after surgery.

My dark square (I am still amazed at the straight lines), I am told, is going to get very dark. It's not red. I am so grateful for that.

Just this morning, in the shower, I noticed that my hands were't looking so weird. Since chemo, the palms of my hands were a different colour. Nothing drastic. Subtle. I've had these hands for long enough to notice the change in hue. It seems though, that my hands have returned to their normal colour. As for my feet...

My feet, which were peeling and also a different colour, seem to be getting back to normal as well.

(I am certainly painting a picture of someone who is quite strange. Dark squares, inhuman coloured hands and feet, peeling skin...)

While there were changes in my body and emotions one thing for sure has not changed, and that is my attitude towards having hair. I have not, in the least, accepted this bald state. While I don't look as strange (to myself), I desperately want hair coverage on my cold head. It's very funny actually, that most mornings I shock myself because I run my hands through my hair to discover there is none; when doing sit-ups in the dirt one session, I thought to myself, I don't mind if my hair gets dirt in it; other times, I catch my reflection and see someone who looks like me with a turban on. I have never got used to being without hair on my head. For the last month, I have had a little smile to myself every time I dry myself. I would always dry my head last because it would leave the towel with too many pieces of hair to count scattered all over, rendering the towel unusable. Even today, I was overjoyed to be able to dry my head first. Cool.

I actually created some new paleo recipes last week but was so not-in-the-mood to write that I haven't been able to post them. I'll have to get back into the swing of things.

Rads: End of Week 3

Rads are going by very quickly. I can't believe that I am now halfway!

The third week is meant to be when the skin starts to turn red. For me, this has not happened. While I have felt that the area under my arm is sensitive, it's not red. Funnily enough, I have noticed a dark square around my right breast. The square's corners actually each meet at a tattoo. It's a credit to the accuracy of the machine. I am going to make the assumption that the later I begin to turn red, the less likely I am going to experience a severe burn.

I wasn't nervous this last week, at all. I have not been questioning whether I am doing the right thing. I'm not even scared about the machine malfunctioning, and burning a hole through my chest. What does worry me though, is my body odour.

When I receive the radiation, I hold onto bars above my head. This means that my undeodorised arm is exposed. While I can deodorise under one arm, I can't do the other. It's not good. Even a shower before treatment, is just not enough. It's a concern. When I took child number two to a trial Spanish lesson, I kept my arms at my side for fear of becoming the stinky parent. I'm not convinced that that tactic worked. Next time I go to that lesson, I am going to put on loads of perfume and hopefully I will be able to redeem myself.

This last week, I met with my physio. I was so excited when she measured my arm (at various points) to discover that all my figures had improved. This strange looking glove was doing its job. In fact, my hand (where the majority of the swelling was occurring) had reduced by one centimetre after wearing the glove for one week! The lovely physio is unable to explain why I am experiencing such swelling. She went onto explain that perhaps it is simply how my body has reacted to the surgery and chemo. Should I not have exercised, it is her assumption that, the swelling may have been worse. So, I have been wearing the glove happily, knowing that it certainly produces results. I am regularly able to see my bones and veins in my hand now. That pleases me. What a bizarre achievement...

As I enter the fourth week of treatment, I am beginning to think about my follow up appointment. This is booked for four weeks after radiation. It is when I meet with the surgeon for him to check for the presence of cancer. His response, I'm sure, will not be to provide me with a guarantee of being cancer-free. It is more likely to be about statistics. But, I think I am likely to get more nervous about that day, as it approaches.

My food choices are going very well. I am starting to feel as though I am getting on top of the fatigue. Maybe, I am getting used to living with the fatigue? Imagine being normal? I'm going to feel indestructible!

Anyway, I am feeling confident that this is going to be a good week.

Radiation Therapy 7 of 30

Another rad completed.

That drive, the burn and then the drive home, at this point, is easy as. I still have not felt or seen any evidence that I am receiving the treatment. I wonder when I will? If I can remember, I will ask that question tomorrow evening.

I was so tired today. I was trying not to fall asleep before lunch! Anyway, I got in a good nap this afternoon. I fell asleep straight away. When I awoke, I had no feeling in my little finger. I had been wearing my glove. But, I know that I cannot blame it solely on the glove. This has happened before. I will continue to wear the glove, but I will certainly question the doctor and physio about this recurring incident.

When I was getting ready this morning, I noticed that the skin on my belly was all flaky. It's not dry. But, the skin is definitely peeling! I am now connecting the two. The skin peeling on my feet and the skin (although much finer) peeling on my belly must have something to do with the chemo. One of the side effects of chemo is that it makes your skin dry. I wonder how long it takes the body to fully recover from chemo?

Here's the menu for today:

Breakfast: Pancakes with berries

Snack: Banana

Lunch: Red chicken curry, sweet potato fries and broccoli

Dinner: Fried chicken and veggies

I'm off to have a rooibos. Bye!

Rads: End of Week 1

I have finished one week of rads. It has gone so quick. Another five weeks to go. I definitely feel as though that is not a big ask. There is no evidence on my right side, as yet, that I am undergoing rad treatment. I have explained to my children that they need to be gentle with me, in anticipation of some discomfort in the coming weeks. So far, I'm good.

I woke up feeling tired, even though I had eight hours sleep. It doesn't seem as though that is going to be enough. The other thing though, is that I have not done any exercise this week. I know that that is not good. I friend, not knowing that I was keen as to do something active, volunteered to come around to do a workout and lunch with me. How cool is that? We did a great workout. Then, we ate lunch together. As I knew I would, I felt much better. Still tired of course. But, the fatigue didn't get worse as the afternoon went on.

The fatigue is not the same as that of the chemo. The chemo fatigue was heavy, coupled with not feeling well. It was like my whole body, from top to bottom, was tired. The fatigue I am experiencing now is the same that I would have if I had had a really interrupted night's sleep. I'm not sure if that correctly delineates the two. It'll do for now.

Rad appointments can be given anytime between 7am through to 9pm. Patients are given the opportunity to request a three-hour, preferred window. The most convenient time for us, which is also the least busy (I'm told) is the evening. So, tonight's appointment was late. We had a great run to the hospital, were seen to straight away and then a another great run home. No traffic, no waiting (no knitting). I must be in the DNA-damaging room for a total of five minutes. That's it. The long ride there and back is crazy considering it's for such a short appointment.

I have finished day five of my 30-day challenge. I feel as though I am doing well. Child number two has had a cold and even though I picked up a mild sore throat, I have been eating well enough for my body to fight off any further progression of the bug. Pow! Here is what today looked like:

Breakfast: Omelette with avocado and tomato as a side

Lunch: Roast Chicken, sweet potato fries and roast tomato on salad

Dinner: Kangaroo steak and rissoles on salad with mayo (so hungry I forgot to take a picture!)

Notes on this week: I am very much surprised at how fast this rad week has gone; as yet, the rad appointments are not annoying; I'm experiencing some fatigue but nothing too severe; I have managed to stay clear of any "naughty" cravings - I've fought them off with satiating protein meals.

Time to watch the next instalment of my favourite show. Adios!

Radiation Therapy 4 of 30

No sooner had I began using deodorant, in both arms, I have been told to stop. During the rads the only permitted product, to be used on the burn zone, is aqueous cream. So, it's back to one arm deodorising.

I think the fatigue has hit already. I had initially put it down to the weather but, today was another slow day. I did all the things I wanted to it's just that my energy was not where it should be. I feel a little silly admitting this. Maybe I'm tired because I was told that rads bring on fatigue. My understanding was that the fatigue comes close to the end; that it's cumulative. I don't know. Either way, I had a nap this afternoon. Tonight will not be a late one. I need to stay on top of it. Well, that's what the husband tells me.

The loss of energy is totally disempowering! I really liked (more like loved) being independent. I would never have wanted to be in a position where I would be so needy for help. For now, the days of doing everything on my own, because I am (or so I reckoned) superwoman, are gone. Will they come back? I'm sure they will, but I won't be as forceful about preserving my independence. It's actually not a bad thing; accepting other people's help. And, it doesn't reflect badly on me. I know that now. Is it fair to say that my so-called "independence" may have actually been hiding a truck load of pride? I won't be offended if the answer is yes.

Anyway, when I dropped my appointment book in at the rads desk, this evening, I was greeted by name. How good is that? I had knit three stitches when I was called in for the daily blast. It's funny...Obviously, I have to get undressed, top half only. And, when I walk to the machine (like five steps) I use a pillowcase to cover myself. As soon as I lie down the pillowcase is moved to cover my left breast. So much covering and uncovering goes on it's ridiculous. But, so considerate too. Isn't it about making it as easy on the patient as possible? Making them as comfortable as possible? I really do not believe that the staff at the hospital, when I consider all departments that I have ever had anything to do with there, could be any better. Our government really needs to be more generous with our nurses and doctors. They deserve it!

Day four of rads also marks day four of Whole30. Here's what came out of my kitchen:

Breakfast: Caesar salad

Lunch: Last night's leftovers and a muffin

Snack: Sweet potato pancakes on lettuce

Dinner: Tuna (with olive oil, no sugar) on spinach leaves, and a muffin.

Thursday night is typically our BBQ night. And, we have also made it our roo night. Roo, as in kangaroo. Yep, we eat kangaroo once a week. We try our best to track down grassfed meat. It's not easy. So, we figure that if we can guarantee a couple of meals a week that are grassfed (roo), we are better for it. Roo tomorrow.

I'm off to bed. I need eight hours sleep.