Prohibitions

Well, I can't believe how good I have been feeling. I know, I never wanted to talk breast cancer again, but I just can't help myself. Actually, I was doing very well to forget about it all, until I went to Ella Bache to have a massage.

Prior to this appointment I had found myself doing, very normal, things that had not taken my interest only weeks before. Like, ironing. Yeah, I know it's weird that I like ironing. In the afternoons, when the children are napping, I usually don't mind putting on a movie and ironing clothes. The chemo really put an end to that. And, it also halted my desire to simply walk around in the shops. I have now recovered well enough for my brain to actually put such thoughts into my head. It's weird. Anyway, I'm just feeling better and better, still.

So, the massage. I had received a $100 gift voucher to be spent at Ella Bache from The Pink Pamper Pack ladies. I was, of course, looking forward to the appointment. As it turned out though, cancer patients are not permitted such luxury. The massaging actually stimulates the lymphatic system, something which is to be avoided at this time. Apparently, should there be any cancer cells floating around, the lymphatic system can be compromised. So, the massage did not go ahead. I am allowed to return for a massage in twelve months, or sooner should I present a medical certificate.

I wasn't interested in waiting twelve months to be pampered. So, I decided to go with an all-inclusive pedicure. It's a safer option. The appointment has been made. And, I will definitely enjoy it.

Goodbye and Hello

Goodbye tastebuds and appetite. Hello fatigue.

When I sat at the table to have my breakfast, this morning, I was shocked that I was experiencing side effects so soon. I guess the upside is that I can get them over and done with. I could have been eating anything. The pumpkin soup had no flavour that's for sure. I forced it down. Then I had a cup of rooibos tea with five prunes (you know what that's for). It too did nothing for me. I have a strong feeling that my love for prunes will never return. Prior to cancer I loved prunes. Now, it will probably always bring back the memories of breast cancer. Who would want that? Prunes are a small price to pay to forget.

Last night, I came home to a beautiful, cooked meal with a treat too. While I was so excited about chemo being over I just couldn't show it physically. I felt absolutely exhausted! Was it the long day, with little sleep the night before? The stress of the cannula not going in until the sixth go? Or was it simply the finality of chemo; like the end of a marathon where athletes just drop to the ground? I got through the nine weeks, just. I wish I could have been more exuberant. I reckon the husband expected me to be a lot happier. But I was happy. It was just not bubbling to the surface.

Anyway, back to Day 1. It's was frustrating to think that yesterday I felt so good and then today I wake up unwell. Last time though. I was on my own with the children today. I managed the breakfast and clean up well. Then, when lunch came I got through that (I only managed to eat sliced apple with salt), hung washing, brought in washing, walked to the letterbox in a most embarrassing get-up, helped the children water all the plants with a tiny watering can (many trips to the tap of course) and watched them play for a bit. A huge day.

This afternoon I received a wonderful package from "The Pink Pamper Packs". The generosity that our family has experienced through this time has been so overwhelming! There may be more tears over that than the actual cancer. Good tears though. Thanks to so many people who have helped in different ways!

I have taken my anti-nausea and vomiting meds as prescribed. I have had two naps today. A dear friend gave me my neulasta needle, at 6.45pm. Yes, I cringed like the big baby that I am. Child number one held my hand and watched the needle go in. How did someone so brave come from me? I am very keen for a sound sleep tonight. But, as much as I want to hop into bed right now, I don't want to be up when the rest of the house is sleeping. So, I will busy myself, gently, with a few things before I hit the sack for the third time today.

I waited all day for this day to be over. I know that sounds negative, but it's how I felt. I just want to get through all of this stuff as quickly as possible. Last round I was "better" by Monday morning (Day 6). I don't mind being better before then!

Look at that chair. Never again will I have to sit there. If I wasn't feeling too fatigued I would love to do a happy dance. That will have to wait. It is coming. It's on the inside for now.